Spinning me right 'round

I've been an athlete my whole life and catch on quickly to new activities, but, I hate being told what to do and how to do it. That's probably because I ate, slept, breathed (held my breath is more like it), sweated and iced over used muscles for years under someone else's every command. So it's no wonder that when I go to the gym now, I only answer to myself. Just like Vivian in Pretty Woman, "I say who, I say what, I say where. I say whooo."

My inner control freak coupled with my overuse knee an hip pains are the reasons I had never tried a spin class until almost two weeks ago. ( Ok, I have been on a spin bike before, but that was way back in my chub club days in 2001 where swimming 8 miles a day was not enough cardio, that we had to bike 45 minutes a day while lifting too).

So I did it. And I LOVED IT!! I cannot get enough. The first 15 minutes were the hardest and then the muscle memory and endorphins kicked in. The feeling of pushing yourself, making your body go to depths of it's tolerance for all things physical. I am addicted to this feeling, this feeling is why I loved swimming. To challenge yourself. To do what you think you cannot and then excel at it, makes me want to do it even more the next day. Spinning is the first workout I have had outside of swimming that got my heart rate sky high without compromising my joints. I encourage everyone, do it. Even if you think you can't, you can. The music makes it feel like a party and the pride you feel after makes it worth it.

Still haven't found what I'm looking for...but I know this much is true

I have SO much to be thankful for. I am healthy. I have enough food to eat, red wine to drink, chocolate to scarf down and thank goodness, a gym membership too. If I had my life to live over I couldn't possibly hand pick better family and friends for myself. I have had and still have many opportunities and perks denied to many. But something's missing...

I am happy. Happy is me. Don't mistake that. But, I can't help but feeling something is missing. What, I don't know. At least not yet. Some days I want to move. Move anywhere, under the premise I can do anything for a year. Hawaii, Chicago, why not? Some days I fantasize at the chance to be someone different, to try something so completely foreign that the excitement of this hope makes me feel like a new person. I am excited to think, ok, I'm going to find it. The highly regarded "It." That missing piece that once it's here, I will be whole. I will be the 100% best me I can be. Other days, I am a wave of emotion that ebbs and flows as the day goes on and I have no clue where to start. Sometimes the mere thought of doing anything at all is so overwhelming that I only want to sit on the couch and watch Ellen. Who doesn't love to laugh and dance along with her?

If you asked me when I was ten years old where I'd be today, my answer would no more resemble my life than a cult revival resembles a frat party. But that's ok. My first post here is one of hope. I want to write something I would want to read. I wish there was someone, a little bird in my ear telling me that the life I planned is not here yet, because it will be bigger, better and different than what that ten year old girl imagined.

Sometimes your head gets blurred with ideas and possibilities, but deep down, your heart always knows. If your's is anything like mine, it can't tell you no. It will always steer you in the direction you need to be going...